From My Inbox: Networking Is Dead. Long Live Networking!

Performative posing.

Slick overly-practiced pitches which lead to minimal engagement.

Ego-driven interactions.

For years, the thought of networking has made people squirm or sweat. The word networking immediately conjures up images of forced smiles, painful ice-breaker exchanges followed by awkward mingling, and business cards being rapidly exchanged (and equally quickly, forgotten).

The "usual" networking interactions are suspect, as we’re highly dubious that any meaningful outcome could possibly arise from such efforts. 

I’ve spent the better part of my career re-writing that tired networking narrative.

But what I’m noticing is that networking has felt even more off lately.

Something deeper has definitely shifted.

What I'm feeling — and what you may be feeling too — is that “networking” as a verb doesn’t quite fit or fulfill the complexity of what ambitious women are seeking. Our horizons have shifted and the ambitions we’re pursuing have evolved in response to that shift.

The old networking model must die, so a new networking infrastructure can be configured in its place.

BTW this is not “just” a feeling; research shows that forcing our BHAGS (Big Hairy Audacious Goals) into the usual (aka male) networking model and rules of engagement has never really worked for women, anyway.

The truth is, networking isn’t dead. But it’s not what you think it is, either.

❌ Networking is not…

• Endlessly collecting likes, followers and contacts

• Attending events with a business card grab, hustle for attention mentality

• Performative likability by saying yes to every damn meeting request

✅ Networking is...

• Designing relational systems that move you toward what matters – to you

• Choosing networking commitments curated for your energy, not just for foraging meaningful connections

• Investing heavily in relationships where trust and traction align

Networking is proactively pursuing and protecting your ambition with equal precision.

More Networking Is Not The Answer!

If you’ve ever thought (even if in exhausted, exasperated passing), “I don’t have f’g time to network”, what you might really be saying is:

“I don’t have a structure that makes networking worth my time.”

 And really, that needs to shift.

 No, you don’t need more networking – and yes, you do need a more dynamic and responsive system of social capital, a relational infrastructure designed to uniquely serve and support your career goals.

 And this is where I’m headed in my next book (no title or publication date yet, but I swear with 60,000+ words committed to the page in a draft manuscript, it’s coming!). If my first book Build Your Dream Network was all about discovering the power of your network, these next chapters are all about deploying that network power with precision.

A New Framework.

My next book outlines a new framework for addressing women’s untapped potential.

It’s a framework designed to help ambitious women create resilient, responsive relational infrastructure around their BHAGs.

It’s a framework that is both highly individual, and expansively inclusive.

Whatever outcome you are pursuing  - whether it’s career or professional or entrepreneurial success, creative freedom, financial abundance (or just financial stability) or any other outcomes we’re individually seeking - magically happens outside a framework grounded in meaningful relationships.

The banality of networking to perform is over.

The future you’re seeking is closer than you think – it is achievable by choosing to build a relational system that is expansive and inclusive, potential and power.

My networking challenge for you this week:

Look back over your calendar and highlight the last 3 “networking” things you said yes to. Did those networking “yes’s” align with your ambition — or did they simply absorb a bunch of valuable calendar time and space that you can never reclaim???

Now consider this: If you were to think of your network as a system (the people, events, commitments and choices you make), could it carry the weight of where you want your ambitions to go? Can you achieve all you know you’re meant to achieve with the system you have currently?

Looking ahead to the next newsletter/post, I revisit the Why Filter — your compass for how to direct your networking energy.

Flashback to Build Your Dream Network:

Throughout Build Your Dream Network I challenged the formulaic modes of networking, and reframed "networking" instead as a continual, strategic human interactions. Did you miss this? If so, pull out your copy of Build Your Dream Network, as here are some "go back and re-read" page suggestions for you: p. 6–7 (“What Networking Really Is”), p. 29–30 (intentionality ≠ random activity).

Discover more:

💡What’s In Your Networking Toolkit? (BYDN Blog) + lots of free BYDN Networking Tools over on Notion (this BYDN Blog post has all the links)

💡How to Get A Job in an Age of Uncertainty (Does This Make Sense?)

💡The 911, 411 Plus Additional Networkers You May Encounter (BYDN Blog)

💡 Build Your Dream Network Book Bonus! 70-pages of updated content you can download (for free).