Is it OK to... Hold Professional Grudges?

Kelly -

A former boss reached out after 5 years of radio silence asking if I could refer clients to their new consulting practice. We didn't part on great terms, and they never responded when I tried to stay in touch post-layoffs. Now they need something. Do I help or hold the grudge?

Grudge or Grace

Dear Grudge or Grace,

Let’s be honest: you tried to stay in touch. And they didn’t respond. So you gave up. Now they’re back — and they need something. You're not the first person this has happened to.

With this bit of background before us, ask yourself: what part of the story might be missing. Layoffs are brutal — not just for those who are let go, but for those left behind. Your old boss may not have been equipped as a manager to handle a layoff. They may have been managing additional fallout you never saw. That doesn’t excuse their silence, but it may go a little way in explaining it.

Now, two strategic questions:

Are they actually good at what they do? If they bring real expertise, someone in your network could benefit from knowing them.

Could this request serve you, too? The introductions they’re asking for might be contacts you've been meaning to reconnect with — so this could be your reason to do that.

Weigh the ask — with clarity, not baggage.

OK?

K.