Networking Pro-Tip: How To Avoid Being Tongue Tied

I can still picture the shocking networking moment.

It was the reception following a business development focused event I'd organized for the associates of a professional services firm. There in the center of the reception, standing all alone, was the event's marquee attraction: a top client of the firm.

And no one was speaking with him.

We're all pretty subpar (at times) when it comes to conversation. Worries about "what to say" cause us to detour away from even trying. The "not knowing what to say" excuse was the reason more than one of the firm's associates gave me for not approaching the client.

A good conversation depends on two (or more) people making an effort - an effort to listen, to be curious and interested in what someone has to say, and an effort to put aside the baggage of whatever happened before we embarked on the journey of starting a new conversation with the person in front of us, behind us. And that requires effort. And making an effort is not always smooth or masterful. It is more likely to be clumsy.

And I was feeling rather awkward as I approached the client...who had been standing alone, surrounded by the lively conversation between clumps of associates who all knew each other. I have no memory of how I started the conversation (likely with a "thank you for coming all the way from Texas to DC for this event") as I was singularly focused on ensuring this client left the event thinking as well of the firm as he did before. From that uncomfortable start, a conversation ensued ranging from gardening to target shooting.

Every innocuous "hello, how do you know...or hello, what brings you here...?" small talk ice-breaker holds the possibility of a bigger, more meaningful conversation. It's purely a matter of choosing to go on that gradual journey of discovery with someone else, to meander and discover connections, together (whatever those may turn out be!).

If the thought of starting or navigating a conversation is stressing you out, keep these principles in mind:

✅ Conversation involves more than just you. If a conversation sucks, it may not be you - it could just be them. Move on. Seek out a new conversation partner.

✅ The top tool for conversing well, are your ears. Listen for prompts on where you could take the conversation with your next questions - without making it "oh, let me tell you about me..." Your aim when listening is to find connection points not to dominate or grandstand.

✅ Don't shy away from small talk - as there is always the promise of transforming idle banter into something bigger.

Find more suggestions on navigating small talk, here:

💡Is it OK to...Hate Small Talk (BYDN Blog)

💡How to Have a Great Conversation With Just About Anyone (Vogue)

💡How to Be a Better Conversationalist and Build Stronger Connections, According to Experts (Well + Good)

💡People Who Excel at Starting a Conversation Always Do This, According to a Clinical Psychologist (Inc.)

💡Design Your Networking Approach For People (BYDN Blog)