From My Inbox: The Power of Why in a Noisy World
In a world full of distractions, knowing why you show up is everything.
✅ You’ve RSVP’d to the all the events you’ve been told you “should” attend.
✅ You’ve taken on the committee assignments and lead the initiatives you’ve been lead to believe were “career builders”.
✅ You’ve continuously shown up as directed, smiling (when a resting bitch face would have been a more genuine reflection of your compliance).
And still — nothing has moved the career needle as you've hoped.
Yes, there’s a particular kind of frustration (not to mention overwhelm!) that comes from being busy but unfortunately misdirected with one’s networking choices.
It’s the price your heart, body and soul pay of networking without a Why Filter.
In Build Your Dream Network, I introduced the Why Filter as a way to mitigate "random acts of networking," to confidently navigate what I called “calendar clutter” — all those commitments, coffee dates, committee assignments, and catch-ups that somehow took priority in your schedule - without a clear, strong link to what you're accomplishing.
It's the stuff you feel obliged to take on or was sold as being “helpful” for your career growth.
Creeping commitments.
OPP - other people's priorities.
It's why I still stand by the power of the Why Filter.
But now, I’m taking the simple concept further.
The Why Filter is no longer just a time management and networking efficiency survival tool.
It’s a social capital design principle.
In my current work, I’ve been focused on how high-achieving women excel. They aren’t "lucky" — they're intentional. They masterfully manage their time. They design their social capital networks purposefully. They don’t pay lip service to relationship building, they routinely make space for it, and embrace opportunities to further connections for their goals, genuinely and regularly.
This means understanding their WHY and knowing what the Focus is for their networking efforts.
What do I mean when I say “Focus”? As yes, I intentionally spelt is with a capital F.
When I use Focus, I'm referring to your goals (short and long term), opportunities (the networking things you choose to say yes to) to further your goals, and your values ('cause values, like trust, are foundational). These are the essential elements of Focus with a capital F for me.
Focus is not about narrowing your life.
Focus is about zeroing in on what matters. It’s about structuring your social capital and networking choices in service of what you’ve defined as mattering most.
Because let’s be real: when your network and networking choices are misaligned with your priorities (yes, your priorities), it doesn't matter how many people you know or how many invitations you receive — you're still spinning, teetering on the edge of disappointment, frustration and overwhelm. This is why knowing why you’re pursuing a particular goal, why one networking choice is a “Hell NO!” and another is a “Heck, YES!”, is a smarter social capital enhancing strategy.
Focus partially explains why some women, despite all the odds, achieve all they set out to achieve.
Here’s a simple self-check to bring your Why Filter back into alignment with your Focus:
Step 1: Write down one current goal or direction you’re pursuing. (It can be personal or professional — what matters is that you care about it.)
Step 2: Look at your calendar.
Now, ask:
· Which calendar commitments directly support or lead to accomplishing this goal?
· Which calendar commitments are habits, obligations, or fear-based yes’es?
· What on my calendar can ditched, delegated, or declined — without apology?
Step 3: Before you accept your next networking commitment, invite or opportunity (be it an event, a committee to join, or volunteer initiative to lead etc.), run that networking request through this filter:
✅ How does this contribute to my goals? For example, will this help me get clearer on my goals? Or provide insights on the next step forward? Or place me in front of decision-makers or within the right conversations?
✅ Can I contribute something of value? This could range from genuine interest to enthusiasm for the cause or a willingness to learn a new skill or simply being present and open to whatever is going on.
✅ Is this aligned with what I’m building, creating, or pursuing? Some networking asks are bundled up like a Trojan Horse…on an initial, superficial glance, it seems like a marvelous opportunity, but the reality, upon closer inspection, is less so...
If your answers in Step 3 are murky, as in “I’m not so sure” or “I suppose it could be good for my career but…” these are your cues to hit pause!
If you’ve read this far, you may thinking “ok, Kelly, that’s great but why?”...I see you and hear your brain chatter. And here’s why having a Why Filter matters more than ever now:
· The women I’m researching and working with aren’t networking more — they’re networking with intention.
· They’re investing their time wisely – without guilt or apology– in service of their goals, and investing with clarity in the social capital needed to reach those goals.
· They’ve created the space to show-up fully for themselves, and for others, especially other women.
· They've made the trajectory changing shift from networking as “necessary” activity to networks as the essential architecture around their success.
Isn't this the space you want to be occupying as well???
🔍 Your Networking Move This Week:
Say no with clarity, and say yes with purpose. Revisit your calendar. What’s in there that reflects your priorities — and what’s just reflex? Consider what matters to you and WHY you’re committing the time to it. What should remain on your calendar, and what can be delegated or ditched?
Reclaim your time. Align your connections. Protect your Focus.
Download The Why Filter Check-in worksheet, and use it to routinely take the pulse of the networking choices you're making.
Refresher from Build Your Dream Network: Flip to pages 29–34 of Build Your Dream Network where you’ll find the original "Why Filter" in full detail.
Need more? Here are a few suggested posts pulled from the archives of the BYDN Blog:
🚀 You’re Networking All Wrong and How To Get It Right
💡 & this insightful LinkedIn post from Lauren McGoodwin ("How did you manage to make a career pivot in this job market?”)
As for what's coming up next, I hope you're ready to explore the structure of networks — and why one-size-fits-all networking advice hasn’t served most women well.
If you've got questions, on this or any of the recents posts, send them my way. I welcome your questions and love to find answers.