From My Inbox: Work Networks + Friendships

My list of dubious accomplishments includes being disinvited from a wedding - when I was a bridesmaid.

That I worked closely alongside the bride, made this "situation" even more awkward.

I had become close friends with the bride through work. We worked in the same practice group at the same law firm. We worked on the same agonizing deals with the same annoyingly anal-retentive partner. These factors created the perfect bonding moment. Until clearly, it wasn't.

I had not sought out to find my BFF in the workplace, yet given the amount of time we spend "at work" it's obviously a ripe environment to find kindred spirits. 76% of Americans report making at least one friend through work. As I now reflect back on my closest friendships, these relationships (which are critical in so many aspects of my personal and professional well-being) all developed as a result of work.

And having a good friend at work is good for the workplace too - from productivity to innovation to just plain making it fun. Recognizing friendships are critical is one thing, making them happen is another (according to BetterUp, 38% of employees don't trust their coworkers while 52% of employees say they want more connection at work).

Like any friendship, building connections at work, well, takes work.

🗝️ Recognize awkwardness and tensions may arise (especially in hierarchical reporting environments). Perhaps if I'd thought about this, I'd have halted my former-bridesmaid-and-BFF relationship with my work colleague at the "solid, genuine camaraderie" stage of the friendship cycle.

🗝️ Recognize there is enormous value in "we experiences"; that is, the bonding moments which arise say, from the group effort in meeting an agonizingly tight deadline or solving a particularly thorny client situation or even from the drudgery of accomplishing a lengthly, mind-numbingly dull task. I directly attribute the acceleration of two work friendships to the hours we spent in a stuffy conference room conducing due diligence.

🗝️ Recognize the value in seeking out meaningful connections and bonds beyond those in your immediate team or working group. I was forced to seek out strong, mutual bonds with coworkers in other departments in one management role I held, due to a complete lack of resources (staff, budget, support you name it!) in my department. I'll say it - I had a ton of 💩 to accomplish but without the help of these colleagues, I could never have done it! Investing in those work relationships was critical - and lasting. While we are scattered today in different industries and geographies, these are still times we are each other's first call to solve a pressing work-related issue.

Discover more:

💡 Why you should treat workplace friendships like your diet – aim for balance and variety (Women's Agenda)

💡 A four-day science-backed guide to forging better friendships that will improve your life (BBC)

💡 'I call her my Italian sister': The power of cross-cultural friendships (BBC)

💡 Cultivating friendships with “The Joy of Connections” (Good Morning America)

💡 You used to be close – but are you a ‘fringe friend’ now? (The Guardian)

🚀 Do I love changing how people think about networking? Yes, yes I do! Check out my conversation with entrepreneur and best-selling author Nataly Kogan on her Reinvent*Ability podcast.