AI Can't Build Your Network

AI confession time: I'm a writer, and I use AI.

AI is my junior analyst, researcher or intern.

I give it detailed instructions - very detailed instructions - and send it off to sort, sift, seek out, suggest - you know, undertake some of the time consuming tasks of being a writer, other than the actual writing, which need to be done.

And like any good, inexperienced, eager new hire, AI wants to be helpful, and needs to be managed (well), and I get a lot of shitty first-passes but even that's better than starting from scratch (most of the time).

In short, delegating to AI has been helpful, really quite helpful.

Recently, I've expanded my AI universe, and I started poking around in NotebookLM, feeding it research, turning notebooks into little subject-matter experts, all in preparation for an upcoming interview, and that interaction has prompted this post.

So here's what I did.

I created a new notebook and dumped in a bunch of research - along with the manuscript for my book - then prompted it to search the web for new (more) sources, and finally, asked it this question:

How can AI actually enhance the way we build human connections?

The answer was what I hoped for.

That is, I wasn't fed a "Stupid hooman! Sit back and relax. AI can do your networking for you" response.

Imagine that! The kid is smarter than I imagined.

No, the thorough analysis confirmed — thorough because it was based on 50+ online sources (articles, studies etc.) along with yes, my own biased POV (books, blogs, newsletters) — the reason AI can't replace your networking instincts is the very same reason so many people suck at networking in the first place: the real human work hasn't been done, first.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

The Human Work AI Can't Accomplish

Let's dial it back for a second and talk about why we dread networking.

Networking is typically dreaded because...because it involves human emotions and far too often we embark on our networking efforts with a mindset of desperation, fear, lack, scarcity or urgency (or all of the above).

And while it's a very human mindset, it's the wrong mindset to have when networking.

It's a mindset that immediately leads to poor decisions, lousy, self-focused interactions, and zero meaningful outcomes.

How to counteract that mindset?

Well, it's why in The Social Billionaire I almost immediately ask the reader to undertake a deep, reflective networking task - a network audit — a task that they likely never have done before.

Why?

To slow them down from a panic or rush to get out and network.

And because there is another networking reality: most of us are sitting on a wealth of relationships (or hopefully we are not such self-centered jerks that no-one will return a call or lend us a hand). And in the process of completing the audit, readers of The Social Billionaire discover existing connections they've entirely forgotten or allowed to lapse or carelessly overlooked (as many people do so no shame, I'm just emphasizing the plain old simple reality of being human).

But the networking audit is not just about understanding all the relationships one has - it's about how those connections came to be.

And this is likely the bigger aha! of the chapter.

As a bonus (as if discovering forgotten connections and reflecting on your role in forming those networks was not enough) completing the exercises, and exploring the four layers outlined in the network audit (Your Go-To's, Close Yet Not Quite BFFs, Your Wider Net, and Past Networks) blows-up the fear, panic, scarcity mindset - simply because it shines a bright light on the wealth of social capital already in our networks (sort of like finding a forgotten $20 in the back pocket of your jeans).

And that my friends, is where your networking efforts should be directed first - on understanding your social capital account balance and once you know your social capital account balance, AI can help.

That is, AI actually becomes terrifically useful in sorting & sourcing, your network.

AI Action Plan

Here's an AI action plan (after you've completed the manual networking audit): leverage tools like intelligence.com or ChatGPT Enterprise or Gemini to further mine your own networking history — calendar exports, LinkedIn data, email patterns — and to surface more of the connections you've already got, or you're developing, that your conscious brain has tuned out (hey, we can't remember every person we've met or even the names of those we work alongside routinely!).

Remember: the manual network audit has to come first.

Why?

For those eager to outsource the work of networking here's why.

Because you need to think about who you're connecting with and why, how you're connected to them (and when that came about), and how you interacted with them (and perhaps, what you spoke about) - as gathering all this information will help you create better prompts to feed AI and will enable you to critically review what AI tosses up as networking suggestions ('cause imagine that, AI does like to make things up and running off to network based on a bunch of misdirected answers isn't going to serve you very well, is it?).

Networks Have Structural Holes (To Identify Them, Turn to AI)

Let me go network geek on you for just a moment.

One networking concept kept popping up in the network research I fed Notebook LM for analysis: structural holes.

WTW

Structural holes are the gaps or empty spaces between groups in a network, the disconnected places where information gets stuck (and may never reach you).

For example. Let's say you're sitting in one network cluster and the opportunity you're seeking — a board seat, a collaborator, a client — is sitting in another. If there is a structural hole between you and the desired opportunity - that lack of a connection between the network clusters (where you are and where you want to be) can be fatal to gaining or pursuing that opportunity you're seeking. Doh!

But when are structural holes in networks real? And when are they imagined?

Back to that damn network audit exercise (again).

I included questions regarding Past Networks in the networking audit for a good reason.

Former classmates, early-career choices, internships, volunteer roles, working groups, committees, clubs, teams...all the networks you've filed under "that was another life, no need for those now" — well, those connections could be gold. They may just be the missing link - the person to fill that big old network gap (the one standing between you and career nirvana).

And this is where AI (again) can genuinely help.

For example, tools like intelligence.com can show you people you've genuinely interacted with (in some way, shape or form) and reveal how they're connected with where you're headed (so yeah, you may just have that warm introduction you currently think you don't have, sitting there waiting to be tapped!), or there's Perplexity which can connect your past networking data to current market trends, showing you where your old connections and your current ambitions may actually overlap. Imagine that, imagine how that could improve your prospecting.

Then let's say you do have a real gap in your network. A big bold glaring one.

Now what?

Use AI to widely research conferences, events, online communities to narrow down the list of the ones which are worth investing your valuable networking time, or to tell you which ones should be investigated further or to source connections in your network who have attended these conference and events (so you can revert to using the old school research and networking technique of asking someone a question like "how valuable was the XYZ conference last year, Ted?).

AI may even give you a solid list of questions to use as you're making inquiries about attending a networking, or before you get deeply involved in an industry association - if you provide it with the right prompt.

And the right prompt, depends on what you need.

If you're expecting a generic prompt into AI - a prompt lacking the specifics of your background - to deliver up relevant networking solutions for you, I'm afraid you - not AI - are the one hallucinating.

The Relationship Revolution

We're in the midst of a human relationship revolution and AI is just another tool for your networking toolkit. Use it, but don't be led by it. Lead instead with your critical thinking skills, your creativity and your empathy - aka your uniquely human attributes.

Indiscriminate AI adoption and sloppy AI usage highlights the need to lean into our uniqueness, to invest the time to connect authentically, to value relationship quality over quantity, to leap on chances to grow our social capital (even when it's time consuming - and it will be, most of the time), and to choose to engage with each other in ways that build trust (which is definitely something AI, even the charmer Claude or the sycophant ChatGPT, cannot do).

Need more?

🤖 Join Collective[i] on April 29 for What AI Can't Fake and The Rise of the Relationship Economy

"Careers are not built on resumes alone. They are built on relationships, referrals and the kind of trust that only comes from human connection."

💡 Why the most valuable skill at work might be talking to strangers (Smart Brief)

🚀 Order The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org (or place a customized or bulk order on IngramSpark). For ebooks you can also find The Social Billionaire on Smashwords, Apple Books, Thalia, Kobo, Fable, Vivlio, and Hoopla.

🗝️ If you’re planning events designed to boost women’s professional connections, let’s connect, as I’d love the insights, strategies and tools from The Social Billionaire to be part of your conversation.

I'm a networking strategist, and author who has spent her career making the case that the right relationships change everything. Behind all my posts and musings are years of research, extensive client work on the power of social capital, and my personal experience - that is, my own hard-won reinvention to the subject. The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More - is my second book on networks — and my most personal.