10 Reasons Why Your Networking Isn't Working

Let's play a quick game.

True or False: Women need to network more to get ahead.

False.

I know. I can hear the collective exhale from here.

After years of research — qualitative, quantitative, surveys, interviews, workshops — I can tell you with confidence: women who reach the top don't network more than their peers. They network differently. And the difference, it turns out, isn't subtle.

I've spent years studying the social capital habits of high-achieving women and what separates them from equally qualified women whose careers don't take off in the same way is not smarts, not ambition, not credentials. It's their approach to building and deploying their networks.

So here's what the research actually shows. Below are my top 10 observations on what high-achieving women do differently — aka why they are, as I call them, Social Billionaires — pulled directly from my new book The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More.

1. They're intentional, not accidental.

High-achieving women don't network because "it comes with the professional terrain." They intentionally diversify their networks and take a considered approach when choosing where to spend their time and who to connect with. They are not filling a social butterfly void. They are making strategic choices.

2. They know the why, not just the who.

It's not enough to know who is in your network. High-achieving women have clarity on why each relationship matters — and they actively identify (and remedy) gaps in their career information flows. They are not leaving their network's usefulness to chance.

3. They patch the vulnerabilities before the cracks appear.

Sparse social capital, redundant information sources, over-reliance on a single network — these are the things that quietly stall careers. High-achieving women see them coming and take corrective action before the stall happens.

4. They play the long game.

Networking with one eye on the immediate win and another on the bigger vision? That's the move. High-achieving women ensure their networking priorities connect with shorter-term goals and their larger career vision or life purpose. Not one or the other but both.

5. They understand compounding.

Networking is sort of like sit-ups. You can hardly expect one set of ten crunches to deliver six-pack abs. Yet, amusingly, many of us hold out hope that one introduction, one cocktail party, or one meeting will deliver instant, spectacular results. We are a strangely wishful and optimistic species.

High-achieving women know better. Investing in relationships has a compounding effect — not unlike an investment account that grows in value over time. They play for the long return, not the immediate gain.

6. They are selective — not stingy.

Time is the one non-renewable resource. High-achieving women allocate it wisely. They take a moment to introduce themselves to a new colleague. They bundle networking requests. They are not skimping on relationship-building — they are simply not squandering their time on the wrong things.

7. Self-first is not selfish.

The high-achieving women I've studied are clear on this: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Putting your own oxygen mask on first — protecting your energy, your focus, your self-care — is not a luxury. It is a prerequisite for the kind of sustained networking that actually moves the needle. Networking can't be the thing you do in a crisis or when you finally have a spare moment. Spoiler: you never have a spare moment. Schedule it anyway.

8. They know the difference between social support and professional support.

Your best friend who talks you off the ledge at 11pm — treasure her. She is not, however, necessarily the person to help you figure out how to get on a board or land a major client. High-achieving women distinguish between their social and emotional needs and their professional needs. Both matter and they are not the same.

Give the right network the right job to do.

9. They have each other's backs — strategically.

Not simply "birds of a feather," but something more deliberate. High-achieving women proactively identify the mutual support they need and curate an inner circle around their ambitions. The Dancing Queens — nine women who met at a networking event in 2009, found themselves in a room with too many sellers and not enough buyers, and decided to form a business referral network instead — are a perfect example. Over the years that followed, they helped each other write books, negotiate deals, launch businesses, and navigate life. That's what an intentional inner circle looks like in practice.

10. They make networking with other women a non-negotiable.

This is the big one. The most critical difference between high-achieving women and their equally qualified peers? High-achieving women make networking with other women a deliberate, consistent priority — not an occasional nice-to-have, not a guilt-fueled afterthought. Other women are not the competition. They are the compounding interest.

All of this — every insight, every exercise, every framework — is inside my new book, The Social Billionaire: A Networking Roadmap for Women Seeking to Flourish and Achieve More.

It is not an admire-and-aspire book. Grab a pen. It's a hands-on, write-in workbook that helps you audit your existing network, clarify your goals, protect your energy, and build the relationships that will actually move your ambitions forward, to the outcomes you are seeking.

Get your copy of The Social Billionaire

And if you read it — ok, when you read it — an honest 5-star Amazon review would mean a great deal. Reviews are how books get found. Yours would help put this into the hands of more women who want more from their careers.